Concerts are amazing, but we have to wade into a sea of joy to enjoy them. And the place is one of the hardest things to do. Regardless of the cool old house or what a good drink an other has, it still seems the bad stuff outweighs the good. Listed below are the best concerts venue
Somewhere in the field
You know, you’re going to see a concert on some random field: dirt (which turns into mud, delightfully, when even the least hint of rain comes from the skies), everything is overpriced, and some of the ugliest, the most nude people you’ve ever set your eyes on. Celebrate it!
At a bar
Clubs are great. Clubs are great. You would be able to enjoy an intimate concert atmosphere, even from wherever you have a clear view… that is, whether you are six feet or higher. Not to be paranoid, but the crowded death machine is the best place for trampling, trapping inside and killing effectively.
At an Arena
The only places on which StubHub has not sold out but which have gone up in absurd prices are still obstructed with a second-long delay. The only places on StubHub have not settled out and become ridiculously expensive. It will be a long evening.
In a bar
When the band does not play classic rock covers or one Lit song, people want the song to be dead. In almost any cover band show, you can bet you’ll see a few things: a) all sing the chorus super loud, then mock the verse for not having the text, b) a 40, dressing up in fishnets, grinding out their favourite song on a vulgar display of the pale stomach rolls and the glitz, and c) tons of drunk guys, who played an instrument sometime in their lives
At a Theatre
Theatres are an odd place for shows; for stand-up and Broadway productions they are much better, but there are many concerts in them. In a stunning historic house, there’s something about rocking along with reckless abandon.
In a stadium
You are three goddamn miles away from the goddamn stage and your watered-down beer costs $9. You’re glad now? Now?
On a Boat
Boats should not be locations for performances. Citizens are purely moving on to be wasted. And they’re drunken so bad that they can’t remember their parents if they attempt to pull a lifeboat right next to them drunk and unlawfully. Moreover, if you are not in the front row, you can’t see shit; it costs extra, and you still get a boat out of it, and Heaven help you if you get sick at sea and want to go home.
Thank you for your time
